randomhatredtruth

ya never see it coming
never expected it
shoulda just kept
charades punkin.

guess im just under
estimated
cuz i hide most
of my feelings
thats only cuz when
i let em out
they get stomped on.

imma be easy
always tell you yes
well only when i
permit

funny how it appears
as though youre still in control
but trust
its easier this way.

imma tell u what i like
hopefully you'll do it next time
all that other nonesense is cool and all.
but time consuming.
takes more time
than you are
deserving of

get in there
get the job done
hopefully with my
pointers
it gets done

then you can exit
my presence.

who cares if you sleepy
or about the weather
i dont wanna watch a movie
i dont wanna listen to music
no discussion neccessary
dont hold me

i dont need to be confused
by your pretending that this is
more than what you willed it to be

yeah its only a wall
thick and solid
to make sure i dont get
stabbed
shanked
tricked
bamboozled
confused
re-injured.

if i cared
or pretended to
id be vulnerable
and more
like you

so you get what you ask for
but dont be hurt when its recieved
cut the confusion
leave me be..


im done.

next sex

i am not saying that
i dont want to be made
love to.

i know that the fucking game
is beyond me.
it lacks a ritual of trust
and care

id like to request that
the next sex that
 i experience
be an exceptional situation.

the next sex given
will be one shared.
not only like views
but he will know that
when he touches me that
that was all it took
his caress
be it my forehead, my side
my hands
or the feel of his eyes being
set upon me with genuine interest
and no hope or chance of hurting me
will give me such a joyous chill
that only a natural fever can heal.

he willl know that
when i lay my eyes upon him,
it be not his aesthetics
but his body, mind and
soul that sparks my interest
that i shall linger to hear whatever
word he shall next speak
and that my silence,
especially when my mind is racing
with thoughts of him
is me gently listening to his heart
trying to hear it tell me if it is
the ribcage to which i belong

the next sex i have will be
the most intimate experience
that i may ever wish to experience
it shall be a combination of forces
body mind and spirit
of a king and his queen
no room
for hurt, distrust or
possibility for anything
in the absence of care.

now i have patiently
wait
sit a spell
relax
until that eventful
event...
whenever my next sex

prison terminology.

this is not a poem.

I've been shanked in my ego & its bleeding profusely. my fingertips are cold...so is the blood...apparently my heart was thawing but was sitting at the back of the fridge and was still icy. imma put it back before it spoils.

i dont know what to say or what to even think. watch prison on msnbc all weekend and some references are bound to stick with ya. i cant even be poetic. i cannot think of a creative beautiful way to wrap my thoughts up into a lyrical work of beauty. alls i know is i cant stop being dumb.

why would i even think that some things come to me and are more than what they appear. always over analyzing, seeing beyond what is in front of me. fucked up yet again. set forth this year to stay cellibate. clear my mind and stop wasting time on people who i refuse to call lame because their excuses worked. i just knew it must be something i am doing. i dont even know how i even wrapped my mind around the hope for a maybe.

i dont even know how everyone can assume i am the most innocent pure person where ever i go and the people who i allow myself to open up to are the hit & quitters. every time i make up my mind that i'll figure a way around this its a complete fail and im left feeling like a dirty whoreslutbag.

how could i even wrap my mind around the idea that...well, i shoulda stuck with my age requirement. all i know is i happen to be a naturally catering submissive woman and apparently i am no longer in demand.

i just dont know. im sitting here. in this familiar place. lost. dazed. confused. wondering how'd i allow myself, once again to be used.

and again i am out of words out of thoughts out of everything. thought my mind is racing. i donno. im fuckable but no one wants to court me so i guess im back to cellibacy.

please someone...call nine elemn...im bleevin.

the cheese stood

so much life.

its such a blast.

people over here

& people over there

fun my ass

solodolo

the way i travels

people circle me

encase me

surround me

drown me

yet im alone

i came as a part of a pair

yet i stand alone

no crackers

no dip

no chips

no sauce

this cheese stands alone